Schema Therapy can provide helpful ways of understanding the origin of emotional "buttons" for those in ministry
From clinical experience common schemas that ministry workers struggle with are:
UNRELENTING STANDARDS: The underlying belief that you must strive to meet very high internalized standards of behavior and performance, usually to avoid criticism. Typically results in feelings of pressure or difficulty slowing down; and a hypercritical nature toward oneself and others. Must involve significant impairment in: pleasure, relaxation, health, self-esteem, sense of accomplishment, or satisfying relationships. Present as:
- 1. perfectionism: inordinate attention to detail, or an underestimate of how good your own performance is relative to the norm; 2. rigid rules and “shoulds” in many areas of life; or 3. preoccupation with time and efficiency, so that more can be accomplished.
ADMIRATION/RECOGNITION-SEEKING: Excessive emphasis on gaining approval, recognition, or attention from other people, or fitting in at the expense of developing a secure and true sense of self. Your sense of esteem is dependent primarily on the reactions of others, rather than on your own natural inclinations. Sometimes includes an overemphasis on status, appearance, social acceptance, money, or achievement as means of gaining approval, admiration, or attention (not primarily for power or control). Frequently results in major life decisions that are inauthentic or unsatisfying, or in hypersensitivity to rejection.
In ministry this can involve thoughts like "I need to be liked/admired to be OK" and can look like moving frequently in order to ‘climb the ladder’, using ministry as a platform for self enhancement or not saying hard things in order to keep people on side.
In ministry this can involve thoughts like "I need to be liked/admired to be OK" and can look like moving frequently in order to ‘climb the ladder’, using ministry as a platform for self enhancement or not saying hard things in order to keep people on side.
SELF-SACRIFICE: Excessive focus on voluntarily meeting the needs of others in daily situations, at the expense of yourself. The most common reasons are: to prevent causing pain to others; to avoid guilt from feeling selfish; or to maintain the connection with others perceived as needy. Often results from an acute sensitivity to the pain of others. Sometimes leads to a sense that your own needs are not being adequately met and to resentment of those who are taken care of.
In ministry this can involve thoughts like "I have to look after everyone else no matter how I'm going, better to burn out that rust out" and can look like long work hours, doing for others whether they need that or not, being the first to put up my hand, but often feel taken for granted.
In ministry this can involve thoughts like "I have to look after everyone else no matter how I'm going, better to burn out that rust out" and can look like long work hours, doing for others whether they need that or not, being the first to put up my hand, but often feel taken for granted.
SUBJUGATION: Excessive surrendering of control to others because one feels coerced — usually to avoid anger, retaliation, or abandonment. The two major forms of subjugation are:
In ministry this lead to thoughts like "others control me, I don’t matter in relationships, my job is to make everyone else is OK" and being compliant with power brokers, finding it hard to express my own views and feeling angry and resentful over time.
- 1. Subjugation of Needs: Suppression of your preferences, decisions, and desires.
- 2. Subjugation of Emotions: Suppression of emotional expression, especially anger.
In ministry this lead to thoughts like "others control me, I don’t matter in relationships, my job is to make everyone else is OK" and being compliant with power brokers, finding it hard to express my own views and feeling angry and resentful over time.
ENTITLEMENT/SUPERIORITY: The belief that you are superior to other people; entitled to special rights and privileges; or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction. Often involves insistence that you should be able to do or have whatever you wants, regardless of
what is realistic, what others consider reasonable, or the cost to others; OR an exaggerated focus on superiority (e.g., being among the most successful, famous, wealthy) in order to achieve power or control (not primarily for attention or approval). Sometimes includes excessive competitiveness toward, or domination of others, asserting your power, forcing your point of view, or controlling the behavior of others in line with your own desires without empathy or concern for others' needs or feelings.
In ministry this schema often results in thinking "I am right, I am in charge, I am the only authority on doctrine, I know best" and results in having lots of ideas and vision, but a poor ability to listen to others, receive correction or submit to authority.
In ministry this schema often results in thinking "I am right, I am in charge, I am the only authority on doctrine, I know best" and results in having lots of ideas and vision, but a poor ability to listen to others, receive correction or submit to authority.
When a schema gets activated a coping mode appears
For a full explanation of each Mode click here.
Do you have a Spiritualising Detached Protector mode?
Mark's role model in ministry always seemed to have the perfect bible verse for any occasion and he was great at listening, so over time Mark used that ‘technique’ because it seemed to be what was expected. It also helped him manage his fear that he was an ‘imposter’ as a minister and someone would find him out. So whenever he was faced with a distressing or challenging pastoral situation he would use a ‘go to’ verse or start talking in long biblically accurate sentences until he felt better and the person seemed calm. His spiritualising Detached Protector, while it looked like ministry, was actually a way of keeping Mark from facing his fears of inadequacy. It worked in the moment, but was actually quite unhelpful to others, to the point where people started to ask Mark whether he was cut out for ministry (reinforcing his fears of defectiveness).
Photo by Jacob Boavista on Unsplash
Photo by Jacob Boavista on Unsplash